Something I simply must share

Hello readers!

I know it’s been a minute. I haven’t been as consistent lately with posting since midterms smacked me like a bird flying into a window. But now it’s officially spring break and I definitely have a few fun and different posts planned to share with you all. But, taking a step back, I have something I wanted to share with everyone reading this.

This wasn’t a planned post. In fact, I just made up my mind to talk about this about 20 seconds ago. What happened 20 seconds ago to spur this post you might ask? Well, I was reading and I came across a quote that I wished I could shout to the world, specifically every 20-something year old or graduating teen. I wished I could speak back in time to tell my 18 year old self this:

“The opportunity sometimes simply isn’t yours but that doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.”

This is the quote that I ran across today that made me stop and tear up a little.

I am an ambitious person. I had a very specific view of how my life would turn out from an early age. But, as it always does, reality struck me. Multiple times. And it continues to do so even now. Life is, truthfully, full of disappointments. And, sometimes, I take that very personally.

I used to think that if you worked hard enough for something, you could obtain it. And while I believe that is a good PRINCIPLE to live by, I now believe that it is NOT a set in stone rule. Sometimes you work hard and circumstances out of your control slap you in the face and say “Hahaha, sorry, that ain’t happening.”

Your 20’s are when your dreams are crushed.

At least that’s how it feels at times. But the truth is something a little less depressing. And it’s that not every opportunity is ours even if we want it to be. And that’s okay. It’s not wrong to want it. It’s not wrong to have worked towards it. In fact, I believe there is something honorable in having a dream and trying to obtain it.

But it doesn’t always work out.

And we didn’t do anything wrong.

The opportunity just simply wasn’t ours.

Thanks for reading this quick post. And if anyone is wondering where the quote is from, it’s from a book by Nicki Koziarz called “Why Her?”. Definitely recommend it if you want an insightful, Biblically oriented read.

Hope everyone is doing well & is safe during these uncertain times.

So…. another announcement…

I’m just full of good news these days (fingers crossed I’m not jinxing myself by stating that).

Anyways! Fun Announcement time!

My work has been featured on a lovely podcast “Expressions & Definitions” featuring Nicole Renee. This podcast covers poetry, specifically poetry themed around love. A few weeks back, Nicole contacted me and asked if I would be willing to have my work featured and to do an interview with her. It seemed like a wonderful opportunity so I ended up saying, “yes”.

A huge thanks to Miss Nicole. Her feedback was so thoughtful and the interview felt so comfortable while simultaneously thoughtful. My work is featured and read on the February 16, 2022 podcast and my interview will be coming out on the 21st.

I highly encourage you to check out Expressions & Definitions in general as it is a thoughtful podcast that could possibly introduce you to a variety of new poets and works that you would have otherwise not found. A link to her blog can also be found here. I definitely encourage you to stop by her blog and show her some support and love!

Alrighty! I think that’s a wrap! Thanks for stopping by to listen to my good news! Have a lovely day!

A Big Fat Announcement

Hello, ladies and gents! I’ve got a fun little announcement that admittedly has absolutely nothing to do with writing prompts or tips. But I’m obviously going to share it anyways (why else would I be typing this post?). I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this on my blog before but I make jewelry. A lot of it. It started as a stress relief activity during my junior year of high school and SURPRISE! Life continues to get stressful so I’ve been enjoying this hobby for almost three years now? Maybe more… anyways, that’s besides the point. What is the point is-

I have a fricken etsy shop.

Angsty Little Cupcake’s designs, named after my personal Instagram handle. It’s a project that I’m going at with my sister and I’d love to show you some of the stuff we’ve made…

Most pieces have a sort of fantasy/cottage core theme. My personal favorites are the fairy wings and the mushrooms. So if you want to sneak a peak at these pieces or buy one, feel free! I’ll be nice and give you the link: click here

Feel free to spread it around as it’s not a secret! *whispers* Or is it?

Alrighty! I have homework to do so I’ll see you lovelies later! Thanks for getting this far in my post! I hope to see you around!

My Five Favorite Foods

Yet another little fun personal post. I caught covid over a year ago and while I am thankful that it is over and I got better, it has left me with my taste buds rather… altered. This list of my favorite foods would have looked vastly different before catching the illness. I used to adore savory, well seasoned foods but now I find myself enjoying much sweeter things that are a bit easier on my palette. All that being said, welcome to my list of five favorite foods! Who knows, you may find a new food you want to try?

Beignets

Beignets - My Story in Recipes

This was the first food that really tasted amazing after I recovered from Covid. It was about four or five months since I had caught it and I was finding out that many meats, eggs, and a lot of easy protein foods tasted rotten and weird. Event things that I could eat smelled wrong and funny to me now. But then I went to a restaurant with my sister when we were visiting the city of Saint Louis… and I had a Beignet. And it tasted and smelled amazing, as it should. Turns out sugar and cinnamon a flavors that Covid left untouched and it was incredible. You might think I’m being dramatic and maybe I am, but at the time, It was a big deal to find a food that actually smelled and tasted good. Up until this point I was craving flavors I could no longer taste correctly like egg salad, fried chicken, or roast. But they smelled rotten. Then I had a Beignet and it actually tasted amazing and familiar.

And that’s the story of how they’re my favorite food, dethroning my long standing favorite food of tacos.

Greek Gyros

What to Serve with Gyros (16 Tasty Ideas) - Insanely Good

Oooooooh, greek food. Lovely, lovely greek food. We have a scrumptious greek food place about twenty minutes from our house and it is amazing. With the perfect balance of meat and salad and seasoned just right, I adore these wraps as they don’t sit on your stomach like a brick and leave you feeling gross like a lot of takeout.

Fries

French fries - Wikipedia

Hehe… speaking of feeling gross…

Even as an adult, I still really like McDonald’s fries A LOT. I mean, as long as they’re hot and I don’t eat too many of them as they can definitely make you feel icky after too many. But those first few fries are so good, especially if they’re salted just right. I know they’re terrible for me and I try to limit the amount of fast food in my life but dang, they really are my Achille’s heel sometimes.

Funfetti Goey

Funfetti Gooey Butter Cake - Fake Ginger

If you’ve had a good funetti goey butter cake piece then you KNOW. I don’t really know how to describe this dessert. I used to serve them when I worked at a tea shop and they were INCREDIBLE. They’re kind of like cake flavored brownies but goey-er (as the name implies). If you haven’t tried them before then I STRONGLY encourage you to look up a recipe and give ’em a try, especially if you have a sweet tooth. Some people eat it with ice cream, but I personally like it plain. Either way, they’re awesome even though they’re basically diabetes in a square.

Chocolate Moose Tracks Ice cream

Fun fact, I’m slightly allergic to dairy. But also fun fact, I don’t always let that stop me. Another guilty pleasure of mine is ice cream in general but especially moose tracks ice cream but especially, especially chocolate moose tracks ice cream. Chocolate is just good, man. What can I say? It’s also worth mentioning that I had a chocolate moose tracks milk shake once and that was divine. So if you ever get the chance to order or make one, I implore you to take it!

Aaaaand that’s a wrap! Just a fun little light-hearted post for you to enjoy. It’s definitely not a list of the healthiest foods but sometimes the best stuff is simply terrible for you. So what are your favorite foods? Feel free to tell me down in the comment below! Let’s discuss, this is important stuff you know!

Thanks for reading!

Five Favorite Movies

Hey there! Aaaaand we’re still snowed in. But, on the bright side, that leaves me more time for blogging and writing and such. So here’s a little post about my favorite movies. It’s short and sweet because I limited myself to five movies (otherwise we’d probably be here for ages).

  1. Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

This one takes the #1 spot being my entire childhood. The only thing I love more than Lord of the Rings & Tolkien quotes is Narnia & C.S. Lewis quotes. In summary, these two authors made my childhood as did the director of this movie. Though I must clarify, the disney version. There is a British version floating around out there with a…. smaller budget resulting in a slightly… different cinematic experience.

To summarize, this Disney Movie is my most favorite move. I love everything about it. Everyone felt perfectly cast, the music in phenomenal, the animal characters are loveable, Aslan is grand, and the redemptive story of Edmund holds so much weight.

A solid 10/10 movie. I still want to be Lucy when I grow up.

2. The Lord of the Rings Movies

And here is where I sing the Praises of Peter Jackson. He did what seemed impossible- condensed down the enormous works of Tolkien into three wonderful movies that tell a cohesive and developed story that I find myself continually coming back to.

I sort of cheated here as these are technically three movies but I couldn’t pick a favorite among them as they tell one continuous story and each one is masterfully done and has its own strengths in their own rights.

These movies probably have my favorite soundtrack ever, my favorite fight sequences, and some of my favorite characters. My only complaints are Frodo’s character felt a bit off compared to the book and the Frodo and Sam parts sometimes felt like they slogged on too long (or perhaps that was the intention as we were supposed to feel the weight of their looooong journey with them?).

Overall a 9.8457/10.

3. Aladdin

The best disney princess movie that is not actually about the disney princess. Not really. Robin Williams is perfectly cast, the song “A Whole New World” is iconic and probably will be for a very, very long time and rightly so.

9.7/10

4. Star Wars: The Original Trilogy

Yeah, I’m going to cheat again. This is technically three movies but again, just like with Star Wars, its hard to pick a favorite out of these movies (though if you forced me, I’d probably have to say “The Empire Strikes” back but I could easily change my mind at any time. The ranking is that close).

Another iconic and phenomenal soundtrack. Lovably corny CGI effects and all, I love this movie. The writing is amazing and the story so full of hope. I know its simple in structure. A typical good vs. evil struggle but when you pair that with the sci-fi elements that, until that point, had never really been implemented on a big screen (with some exceptions with Star Trek but that was a show and was so stylistically and tonally different, I don’t really see them as that similar).

I grew up watching these which unfortunately led me to having a really high bar as to the level of writing I accept in my Star Wars films so I’m not a huge Disnified Star Wars fan. But, regardless, these movies continue to have a place in my heart.

9.68/10

5. Toy Story

One of Pixar’s crowning glory movies. Sure, this movies animation hasn’t aged that well. Their character models for humans were lacking (Andy may or may not look like a crackhead) but it makes sense for the time period it was in and definitely set a precedent for future CGI Animated movies. Woody & Buzz are THE iconic duo.

9.5/10

And that concludes my list although I could rant about my childhood movies for much longer. Thanks for reading and see you readers later!

My Favorite Works of Art

Hello, bloggers & readers! Today I’m just gonna ramble a bit about some of my favorite works of art. These vary from classic paintings to paintings done by lesser known artists whose work (in my opinion) is just as beautiful. I’m no art expert, sure, but if I see a painting and think “ooooh, I want that on my wall.” I think it’s pretty darn good. And I don’t think you come to this blog for impeccable art advice or critiques (if so, I am both perplexed and amazed).

So let’s get started!

Paintings by Regina Argentin

This girl. Her stuff is incredible. Her works are both ethereal and haunting. Some of my favorite pieces are down below.

Demeter Painting by Regina Argentin | Saatchi Art
This piece is called “Demeter”. It’s probably my favorite of hers. The vintage gown and look to the body contrasts so beautifully with the untamed vines sprouting from her neck. Chef’s kiss. Truly amazing. I also just now noticed there is a bat in this piece so double points.
Regina Argentin | Saatchi Art
This one is titled “Alfalfa”. I adore everything about it from the flowers to the intelligent and uncomfortably sentient look of the coyote (or whatever creature it appears to be. I think its a coyote? Anyone is free to correct me in the comment below, I’m about as much of an art expert as I am at identifying dog-like animals).
Alfalfa II Painting by Regina Argentin | Saatchi Art
This one is titled “Alfalfa II” and it is equally as breath-taking. The green , earthy feel of the painting mixed with the calming blues is a wonderful combination. The painting feels so mysterious and feels like s belongs in a green-house somewhere to keep evil spirits at bay. 10/10.

Link to her profile where you can view more of her immaculate work: click here

Paintings by Van Gogh

Van Gogh’s pieces are probably some of my favorite out there in the art world. So if I ever scrape up a gazillion dollars, I totally plan on buying one. But my interest in the artist doesn’t just stop at the popularized “Starry Night” piece. No, I also can’t help but adore his “Iris” painting, “Wheat Field” painting, “Almond blossoms” painting, “Sunflower” Painting, and “Starry Night over Rhone” Painting.

Starry night is gorgeous, but, if you haven’t, I implore you to browse his other works.

Van Gogh the Wild Man? Try Van Gogh the Suburban Professional - The New  York Times
“Starry Night over Rhone”
The Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam is offering an online visit of its  collection | Vogue France
Somehow even with the bright yellows of the blooms, this painting feels melancholy. I love it.
Amazon.com: DOUBLETOP Wheat Field with Crows - Vincent Van Gogh 1000 Pieces  Jigsaw Puzzle for Adult Home Wall Art Decoration Puzzles Finished Size  30x20 inches : Toys & Games

A positively haunting piece.

Almond blossom - Digital Remastered Edition Painting by Vincent van Gogh
Another favorite of mine. The blue and white blooms just seem so serene and striking to me. I would love a dress in this pattern.
Vincent van Gogh | Biography, Art, & Facts | Britannica
And of course, the classic Starry Night. There’s a reason this piece is so popular. Positively striking.

I want to conclude this section with a recommendation of the wonderful and touching movie, “Loving Vincent”. It is a gorgeous piece of cinema that I discovered this year where the whole movie is animated to look like a moving Van Gogh painting. If you’re interested, the trailer is below. I rented it on Youtube for about three or four dollars and cried like crazy while watching it the first time through. Can’t recommend it enough.

The Paintings by Monet

Another popular artist whose work I love. I primarily enjoy his nature paintings, especially the ones with water and water lilies.

Water Lilies, 1916 - 1919 - Claude Monet - WikiArt.org

Tribute to Claude Monet Painting by Claude Monet and Delphimages

Agapanthus by Monet Painting by Claude Monet
These pieces absolutely slay me.

Paintings by Dante Gabriel Rossetti

My obsession with this man’s work probably is rooted in the same part of my brain that is obsessed with fairytales. His work has a very fantastical feel to it and has many portraits of beautiful, princess like women that I find entrancing and ethereal.

File:Dante Gabriel Rossetti - The Day Dream - Google Art Project.jpg -  Wikipedia

File:Dante Gabriel Rossetti - Joan of Arc (1882).jpg - Wikimedia Commons
I love this painting but this could also very easily be a dude with luxurious hair. That is the only problem I have with this guy’s paintings. I can sometimes not tell but they’re beautiful pieces so I don’t care much either way.
Dante Gabriel Rossetti, Beata Beatrix – Smarthistory
This painting invokes the exact feeling that I feel during the school year. I don’t know how, but it does.

In Conclusion

I’m not an art expert. I cannot positively identify a coyote. I really can’t tell a lady from a knight with luxurious hair. But I can point to a painting and say, “Now there’s a looker!”

Thanks for stopping by!

The Meaning of My Name

Just a fun little challenge of a blog post that I’ve been wanting to do. I’ve always been fascinated by the history of names and their meaning. So, let’s dissect my name, shall we?

Brooke

With an e. Don’t forget the e.

The name Brooke, from my research, seems to be of old English and/or old German origins. And I’m sure you can guess as to it’s meaning. Brooke refers to clean, clear water or, more specifically, a small stream. The name has grown more popular during recent years thanks to Brooke Shields and a New York society grand dame named Brooke Astor.

Not much else to say on this name. It means a small stream. Let’s keep moving, shall we?

Lynne

Also with an e. Never. Forget. The. e.

So, what are the origins of this one? Well it seems depends. There are a few different origins/versions of the name, each with their own slightly different meaning of the word. The Anglo-Saxon Lynne means “waterfall” (wow, another water word?) while the English version means “house” or “church”. The French version means “idol” while the German version means “snake”. (So my name could very possibly mean water snake??)

Freeman

Don’t forget the two e’s.

This last name is a little self-explanatory. A free man. One who possesses his rights. This name became very common after African-Americans won their rights and took this name on. Though delving into family history, it seems this is not exactly where mine specifically came from (which doesn’t surprise me. I’m quite pale). My specific family name can be traced somewhere from England but that’s about it.

Put it all together and you’ve got…

Free River Church, depending on whatever meaning you ascribe my middle name to. Free Water Snake perhaps?? Don’t know.

Anyways, thanks for sticking around and reading this random deep dive into the origins and meaning of my name. It was a fun little challenge indeed!

Till next time, bloggers!

5 Things That Make me Happy

So one of my New Year’s Resolutions was to complete my “Writer Games Challenge” which you can find linked here if you’re interest in completing it too! The first category of challenges is to write a little bit about yourself and the things you like and are passionate about. So I’m starting with the list of 5 things that make me happy!

Ready? Well regardless, here we go!

1. Cats

Wow. Nobody saw that coming. Gosh, me??? A cat lover?? Its not like I have a cat in my blog footer and as a huge part of my blog identity! Bonkers, I know. I really pulled a fast one over you, didn’t I?

Okay, seriously, I have never met an animal that purrs and is as comforting as a cat. Sure, they can be a little evil but so can we! Its only fair.

2. Iced Coffee

I’m sorry for these basic answers but Iced Coffee is a gift from the heavens and you’re lying if you say otherwise. I don’t care what season it is or how cold I am, I love my coffee iced and with copious amounts of sugar in it, thank you very much.

3. Fire places

I figured it was befitting to put this below the Iced Coffee seeing as how my enjoyment of cold brew & circulation issues result in me feeling rather…chilly to say the least. Whatta mystery. So how does one remedy this? By roast in front of a fireplace.

Fireplaces are the peak of humanity. Its like we knew our ancestors were onto something with that whole gathering around the fire thing. And they were so right. Nothing beats and iced coffee and a book in front of an open fire. Preferably when it’s raining out. Which reminds me!

4. Rain

The coziness level of a day suddenly increases immensely when water begins falling from the sky. God really did something with this whole rain thing. He knew exactly what he was doing.

5. Animated Movies

In college I have very little brain power to last through most live action and plot-complex new movies. I just can’t get into them very much these days and I’m not exactly sure why. Instead, recently, I’ve been enjoying settling down in front of the TV after school to watch the newest animated movie that’s out. Animated movies are my new comfort watch these days.

And woah! Are we already at 5?? I didn’t even get to Tacos, warm fries on a cold, dreary day, and quill pens! Oh well, maybe next time! I’ll see you readers ’round, okay?

Cities in My Name

Just a fun little challenge that I remember from my old writer forum days. It’s a challenge where you spell out your name and list lovely global cities that start with each letter and describe your thoughts concerning each one. It’s more of a fun game and blog writing exercise than anything. I was going to do a writing prompts post but, alas, a little germ decided to make me its home for the weekend where then my immune system proceeded to convince me that I was dying. What I’m trying to say is I’m sick. The week of finals too. And that is why you’re getting a short but sweet blog post this week that is more akin to a bullet journal entry than anything. Feel free to do the same sort of thing on your own blog! It is quite a lot of fun (especially if you have a long name).

So! Let’s start with my name.

Brooke. With an e. We do not forget the e around here. So let’s see what cities I can find in my name!

🇬🇧🇫🇷🇨🇦Allies + Canada Moodboard🇷🇺🇺🇸🇨🇳 | Hetalia ~ Amino

B – Beijing, China

Ahhhh yes. The lovely city of Beijing. One of the oldest cities in the world come to find out, with its history being traced back up to 3,000 years ago, which is insane to me. I’ve only lived for about 20 years now, and it feels like an eternity.

Apparently this place, as beautiful as it is, has undergone quite the identity crisis (though haven’t we all? Don’t lie, 2021 was a rough ride, don’t even lie), having been named various other titles before finally settling on the name of Beijing. Examples include: Jicheng (‘City of Ji’), Yanjing (Capital of Yan’), Nanjing (‘Southern Capital’), Zhongdu (‘Central Capital’), Dadu (‘Great Capital’), Beiping (‘Central Peace’) and so forth.

Pin on Gods Among Us - Hera & Zeus

R – Rome, Italy

Rome! The city of the coolest ruins that I could ever dream of seeing. And good heavens, the ARCHITECTURE. I COULD GUSH ABOUT THE ARCHITECTURE ALL DAY. And maybe I will in another post. But that is for another day when I have more than one brain cell available to do the leg work. No, instead I choose to entertain you with tasty little fun facts. And since Rome is generally a pretty popular city, I’m going to try and dredge up some of the oddest (but interesting) facts about Rome.

For example, did you know they have a pasta museum??? Yeah, didn’t think so.

And that women who lived in Rome during ancient times used to actually dye their hair with goat fat and beech wood ashes? Yeah, if they wanted to be a blonde or a red head, they didn’t have to wait for L’Oréal to be invented.

Also, cats are allowed to roam there by law. Like it’s literally decreed that these cats are cool with the government to just be chillin’ on the ruins. And I love this thought. Aaaand now I desire an animated Disney movie about the cats of Rome. Surely the cats are up to SOMETHING.

in your lover's eyes

O – Osaka, Japan

The more I look up pictures of this place, the more I want to go here. Fun fact, I’ve just always wanted to go to Japan. I know that’s a very basic location to have on your traveling bucket list, but there’s a reason it’s such a popular getaway. The place is gorgeous, especially during the spring.

Osaka is known for a lot of things, one of the most prominent being its food. So, you’ve already got me there. I’m ready. Brb, packing my bags.

I thought I'd give moodboard-making a try, so I made one for...

O – Oslo, Norway

Yet another gorgeous place I wish to visit once I’m a millionaire authoress with a secret identity, an unquenchable thirst for travel and no husband (but maybe like, 2 cats in a cat carrier?). Norway is one of those places that I see pictures of, and I’m immediately mad I’m not there. Which is kind of funny considering I generally have an aversion to cold weather. But I think the immense beauty of this place makes up for that, not to mention I’ve vowed to see the Northern lines burn up the night sky at least once before I die. And this seems like the perfect place to fulfill such a wish.

Pictures, Moodboards, Aesthetics, Oh my! — Disney Princess Aes - Moana  (Moana)

K – Kahuku, Hawaii

Oh, yeah, I’ve seen Moana. And I am ready.

Wanna know a startling fact? I have never seen the ocean.

Yeaaaah, I know. Tragic really. But oh, I so want to see it. I want to go on a boat. Maybe see a dolphin. I’m not too picky honestly. I might even settle for a jellyfish or a trout or something. I just want a little bit of Hawaii. And considering its December right now, that urge has only grown.

Merida moodboard | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs | Tumgir

E – Edinburgh 

Yeah boooy, I saved the best for last. I am aware I have basically gushed over every location covered thus far, but I mean it when I say that this place is the one I desire to travel to the most out of all cities I have listed. For as long as I can remember, I just loved the thought of going Scotland. I loved Celtic music so much growing up. In fact, I think that’s one of the things that really sparked my interest in the place. That and my World History chapter on the Celts and how they’d run into battle naked and covered in blue paint. Something my 9 year old self never forgot.

I think its the thought of foggy cliffs and woods that drives me to it. And castles. I adore castles. The mix of nature, old things, and mystery is just pure magic to me.

And that concludes my wanderlust filled post. I’ll be honest, I haven’t been to any of these places. In fact, I purposefully chose cities outside the US because maybe its really the intrigue of the unknown that drives my desire to want to see these places. The deep need to tread previously un-treaded ground. I think that’s maybe because there’s a little explorer in us all. A kid that didn’t grow up and just wants to see that big world out there. ‘Cause there’s so much to it. And it’s just sitting there, waiting for us.

Wait… do I sense a befitting moment to quote J.R.R. Tolkien??

I think I do.

Ahem.

‘Cause you see it’s like this…the world isn’t in your books and maps.

It’s out there.

An Open Letter to Freshman Me

Wow! Where to begin, where to begin…

First off, hey there freshman me. Hope you’re doing well.

But I know you’re not doing well. You can’t hide it from others and most importantly, you can’t hide it from yourself. I know you’ve been trying but it just makes stuff all that much hard. When you’re hurting, sometimes it makes it worse to walk around on that broken leg or with that emotional wound exposed to the world. And all the while you’re telling yourself “yeah, I’m fine. I’m okay. I’m gonna be okay.”

Girl, stop it.

Truthfully, if this letter really could reach back in time, I think you really just needed to be served some hard truths mixed with what you were really craving during that time: a little bit of hope. Funny how those things can walk hand and hand.

Loving truth.

Those words shouldn’t be separate. They shouldn’t be seen as opposites that you must balance equally on a scale. They are partners. Perfect partners.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Dear Freshman Me,

You’re tired, aren’t you? You’ve been here before, haven’t you? And that frustrates you.

In middle school and high school, you fought tooth and nail to just be comfortable in your own skin. You desperately wanted to see some self-worth in that mirror of yours and you thought you finally had it a few years ago. You thought, Wow, glad I figured that out! Now I’m good for life!

You were not good for life.

Loving yourself and figuring out how to be a healthy individual is not a one time thing and you’re done. You have to relearn how to be comfortable with who you are and where you’re at every single time a big change comes along. (And sometimes it doesnt even have to be a big change).

And now you’re learning it in college. Which, turns out, is a lot harder than you imagined. And so you’re in denial while simultaneously being mad at yourself for not being happy or the least bit healthy. You are a champion at beating yourself up and that needs to stop because it will quite literally kill you.

This lens that you’re viewing life from is also jacked up. You’re stressing waaaaay to much over the stuff that doesn’t matter. The stuff that is out of your control. You have a work ethic, and I’m proud of you. But no amount of work will guarantee you EVERYTHING to go your way. And I know that’s going to be hard to accept.

As much as I want you to believe that you can work hard for nearly anything and reach that goal… that’s not 100% true. This is a good philosophy to hold but it is not a promise. It was never a promise.

So when you get crappy teachers, lose your job because of a pandemic, get mistreated and let down by friends and family alike, don’t quite meet the criteria for that scholarship, don’t pass that midterm despite studying for days… don’t internalize it. Take a deep breath and evaluate. Don’t blame. Evaluate.

Because sometimes, as I’m sure you’re aware of, you are going to be the bad guy, sometimes it will be your fault, and sometimes you COULD have done better. But that’s not the case here. You tried your best and you know it. And that’s where it should end. None of this beating yourself up and SEARCHING for reasons that it was your fault, because if it was, that implies you had some sort of control in the situation.

So stop! Be proud of yourself for just a couple seconds. Please. You got here and that’s worth celebrating, whether or not you choose to continue down this path or reavluate.

Secondly, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And I know you can’t see it and there will be more days in the future when you can’t see it, but you’ve gotta hold your feelings loosely. Yes, they’re important and they should be addressed but feelings can be a big ol’ liar too. So have a little faith.

Did you know, you’d finish the rough draft of your novel this year? You’re going to do that! Four years in the making and you’ll be able to print it out and begin the editing process and showing it to your friends! It’s going to be awesome!

You’re going to meet new people and they’re going to be great. I know some stuff hasn’t gone how you expected when it came to your social life, but people are going to let you done and sometimes you’re going to have to make the hard decision to move on without them, BUT (and there’s always a but) there are going to be some really neat new people for you to meet out there. That, and the ones who’ve stuck around, your friendships with them will only continue to strengthen.

You remember that saying? The one that goes “when a meeting occurs, a parting is sure to follow?” Well, I’m pretty sure the reverse is also true. Because when a parting occurs, a meeting is sure to follow. I promise you.

Gosh, this is getting long, but I still have so much to tell you.

Did you know you’re going to stop biting your nails? I know that might sound trivial to others but I think we both know the significance of that. A nervous tick that even braces couldn’t get rid of.

You’re going to wake up for classes every morning next semester and feel good! The first day of classes you’re going to cry in the car on the way home not because you’re sad, but because you’re thankful and oh-so relieved because you had a GOOD day and this semester is going to be nothing like this last one.

You’re new job is going to be hard but it’s going to be what you need. And people are going to appreciate and recognize you for your work ethic. I know that’s always meant a lot to you.

You’re going to be able to get coffee with friends and step away from studying with no self guilt. You’re going to cry and pray with that girl in the school library. You know, the one who you’ve been praying you could share your faith with? Yeah, that’s going to happen. You’re going to dissect things and that’s gonna be pretty awesome (the earth worm is kind of gross though, be warned). You’re going to write and write and write. You’re going to travel a little in the summer. Go on a roadtrip with your best friend (Twice!!). You’re going to attend a new bible study and you’re going to walk away from it every Wednesday feeling filled and happy. You’re going to have things to look forward to (you’re going to see the ocean next year!). You’re going to play DnD with old friends and a new one every other Saturday. You’re going to dress up in costumes, hang out with your sister and no longer feel like you’re walking on egg shells. You’re going to be an aunt soon, hold tight. You’re going to turn twenty in a few months.

Things aren’t just going to be okay, they’re going to be good. And you’ve gotta keep going so you can see it. I’m proud of you and wish you the best. There’s going to be some hard stuff up ahead but you’ll get through it. Because it will be good because God is good. And you’re going to feel that very soon.

Ugh, sorry, this is getting long. I know you probably have a mountain of biology homework to do so I’ll let you go. Take care of yourself, alright?

Love,

Sophomore Me